Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
