Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
as a side note pls kill me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
