I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
