Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
