I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
