She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
