Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
