I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
