put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
