he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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