PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
