he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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