my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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