I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
