these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
