Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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