So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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