Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
