Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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