Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
