i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
