The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
