So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
