Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
