I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
