I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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