I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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