WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
