she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
