I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
