She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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