ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
