The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
