Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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