Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is my gift to your gina
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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