Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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