People in love make me want to vomit
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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