NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
