I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
