Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
