literally had 100 drinks last night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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