my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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