I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
