Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
