It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, beer. Big fan.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
