Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
