I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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