so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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