Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
false alarm, still single
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
