i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
