Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
