my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
