Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
