He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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