I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
